Inner child coaching is a technique I use during with my Life Coaching clients. One of the first steps after successfully connecting with your inner child, is learning to Validate your inner child.
What is Inner Child Coaching?
It is a process that can assist people who as a child, may have been hurt by people or situations around them. This can range from being traumatised as a child, to receiving neglect, criticism, denial or feeling not good enough or unloved by a parent.
Working with our Inner Child focuses on the core beliefs that we hold about ourselves, about others and about the world around us. These beliefs are learned during our early childhood when we are young, and do not possess the ability to determine whether the information we are basing our beliefs on is correct or not. Because this process occurs at such an early stage the information and beliefs we learn, and that continue on into adulthood, seem like an absolute truth because it has always been that way.
The importance of Validation.
Validation is a way that we let our inner child know that we understand them. This is so important to feel connected and that we belong. Unfortunately, many of us did not receive this important validation as we were growing up. It is really healing to give your inner child the validation they crave. When our inner chid feels validated, it will assist in healing. Validating helps us honour and accept our emotions as being valid and important.
Our inner child will have experienced many situations while growing up that will not have been validated. As an adult, we can give our inner child the validation they need to heal, helping them accept that the situations they experienced, were real for them. When we validate our inner child, it may just be the first time they feel seen, heard and understood.
The second step in Healing
The first step in working with our inner child is learning to connect with them safely. This can be instant or can take a few weeks. When working with my clients, I will show them how to gently connect with their own inner child in order to build trust.
Once trust is in place, validating your inner child can take place.
How to Validate your Inner Child
When you feel triggered, upset or any type of negative emotion, this is your inner child reacting. This is a key time to validate your inner child. Connect with your inner child and tell them you understand how they feel. Whatever is triggering your inner child will link back to an early experience. Your adult brain may not be able to understand why your Inner Child is reacting irrationally, but it is important not to judge or dismiss your inner child’s feelings. Connect with your feelings, not your head!
React with empathy, understanding and compassion. Basically, speak to yourself like you would any scared little child.
Example of Validating your Inner Child
Jane was aware rationally that she should be able to speak up in meetings. However, every time she attended a meeting, her inner child felt terrified of speaking up and Jane would feel anxious that she would say something stupid.
Jane learned to validate her Inner Childs feelings. Whenever she felt terrified of speaking up, Jane would connect with her inner child and say ‘ It’s ok, I understand why you feel anxious. I totally understand why you are scared that you may say something stupid and people will laugh at you. I am so sorry that you learned from Mum that it wasn’t safe to speak up and that you got into trouble when you voiced your opinion. I can totally understand that! I understand why you feel it is safer not to say anything’
Every time Jane validated her inner child’s feelings, she would feel a sense of relief. For probably the first time in her life, Jane felt heard and understood.
Educate your Inner Child.
After validation, the next step in the process is learning to Educate your inner child. I will cover this in next weeks Amazing Coaching blog.
Inner Child Coaching with Lisa Phillips
Formally based in Sydney, Australia, Lisa Phillips is an award winning Life Coach with over 23 years experience. She works with clients all over the world and is the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’ book. Lisa’s work is featured regularly in the media.
Contact Lisa today for a no-obligation chat.
